Day by Day

One of the odd things about this mental breakdown (I really can't find a better word for it) is how calm I am. I wrote earlier about caring-but-not-caring. It's a weird calm. If it weren't for the anxiety, I'd think I had finally achieved normalcy. One of the things that doesn't bother me...because I care, … Continue reading Day by Day

Writing and PTSD

I've been trying to write, but nothing comes out. It's difficult to explain how my mind is working right now. It's rather nonsensical. I care, but I don't. How does one explain that? I do have a theory as to why, however. Why my brain cares, but then it immediately doesn't. It's directly related to … Continue reading Writing and PTSD


I was looking through some old notes for a story I wrote a while back when I came across a quote I had written down a week before I started school back in the summer of 2017. It's a quote from some guy names Brendon Bruchard. I have no idea who this is, except he … Continue reading Forward


Hindsight's a bitch. It's all so obvious, but you know there is no way you could have truly known then. Looking back, this end was obvious. I can see that I was already starting to have problems by the middle of summer school. But I had no way to process any of this, because the … Continue reading Hindsight

Out There

There is a reason depressed people never want to leave the house. Interacting with the real world is hard work. The little I've done today has left me drained. It's been a rough day. I was at about 50% when I got an email about my admissions issue and then I was pretty much at … Continue reading Out There

Life Moves On

It does. There really is nothing to do but move along with it. I had a conference for work this weekend. I signed up for it back when I felt better, invincible even. I nearly called off but didn't want to use the PTSD as an excuse. So, off I went to Riverside City College. … Continue reading Life Moves On

Take Away

It’s so different now. I watch people who are like I was before the PTSD took over my mind and I cringe. I don’t begrudge them, I just hate myself for ever being like that, for ever trusting that deeply, for ever allowing myself that much freedom. It was weird to be in a place … Continue reading Take Away