Day by Day

One of the odd things about this mental breakdown (I really can't find a better word for it) is how calm I am. I wrote earlier about caring-but-not-caring. It's a weird calm. If it weren't for the anxiety, I'd think I had finally achieved normalcy. One of the things that doesn't bother me...because I care, …

Writing and PTSD

I've been trying to write, but nothing comes out. It's difficult to explain how my mind is working right now. It's rather nonsensical. I care, but I don't. How does one explain that? I do have a theory as to why, however. Why my brain cares, but then it immediately doesn't. It's directly related to …

Forward

I was looking through some old notes for a story I wrote a while back when I came across a quote I had written down a week before I started school back in the summer of 2017. It's a quote from some guy names Brendon Bruchard. I have no idea who this is, except he …

Hindsight

Hindsight's a bitch. It's all so obvious, but you know there is no way you could have truly known then. Looking back, this end was obvious. I can see that I was already starting to have problems by the middle of summer school. But I had no way to process any of this, because the …

Out There

There is a reason depressed people never want to leave the house. Interacting with the real world is hard work. The little I've done today has left me drained. It's been a rough day. I was at about 50% when I got an email about my admissions issue and then I was pretty much at …

Another Day, Another Breath

So, we made it through another weekend. Much learned. Some stuff accomplished. Changed the bulb for the turn signal. That was an adventure. Seriously. But I really don't want to expand because it was probably only an adventure to me. 🙂 Went to Joann's because I need something to do that requires me to focus. …

Life Moves On

It does. There really is nothing to do but move along with it. I had a conference for work this weekend. I signed up for it back when I felt better, invincible even. I nearly called off but didn't want to use the PTSD as an excuse. So, off I went to Riverside City College. …

Take Away

It’s so different now. I watch people who are like I was before the PTSD took over my mind and I cringe. I don’t begrudge them, I just hate myself for ever being like that, for ever trusting that deeply, for ever allowing myself that much freedom. It was weird to be in a place …

Wanting Vs. Having

In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have too big a problem being open about certain aspects of my PTSD. I'm the sort of person who believes the lie that helping others is how you heal and so I always hope that my posts help others feel normal about the things they go through, instead …

Marwen—A Quasi-Pre-Review

Saw the Welcome to Marwen trailer yesterday. It was the second time I've seen it, but the first since my PTSD made my daily functioning chore. Needless to say, I've taken it off my "to see" list. But I don't think you should. From the looks of the trailer, it might give a decent view …